Every year in December I see countless holiday gift guides and Christmas shopping suggestions from all over the web. There are plenty of cool golf gift ideas out there and we’ve even gotten in on the action before, but I wanted to do something different. Instead of finding the best gift ideas, I decided to try and share the worst golf products I could find. There is a lot of useless crap out there, but I was able to narrow the list down to 6 real doozies. Let’s not waste any time and get right into the products and their entertaining commercials!
1. Potty Putter – The Potty Putter lets you practice your putting while you, um, go potty. Who needs the newspaper sports section or an iPad when you can practice hitting 1 foot putts with a cheap plastic putter? The package even includes a “do not disturb” sign so others will leave you in peace to spend hour after smelly hour working on that putting stroke. What a steal at $9.95! Wouldn’t you rather have this than an annual subscription to Golf Magazine?
2. Ironsolid – If I told you I was going to sell a plastic cone cut in half for $30, would you call me crazy? The maker of Ironsolid doesn’t think so. This “training aid” that is supposed to teach a descending blow is based on the Stack & Tilt method which has been largely abandoned by most of the PGA Tour pros that tried it. The biggest problem with this device is that you can use damn near anything in its place behind the ball. Other than being a rip off, teaching a pronounced descending blow on its own will lead to huge divots, big slices and big scores. Spend the money on a lesson instead.
3. Spin Doctor RI Wedge – I was discussing backspin recently with some friends, and everyone wants to be able to spin the ball back on the greens. With the USGA Groove Rule change in 2010, it is ever harder for the average golfer to impart backspin. Enter the Spin Doctor RI wedge. With changeable face inserts, every golfer can spin a range ball back 25 feet! This is complete idiocy of course, since 9 out of 10 iron shots hit by amateur golfers come up short to begin with. Watch in amazement as the wedge shot you land 20 feet short spins back another 20 feet, leaving you in three-putt land. Assuming your ball doesn’t spin right off the green. If the green slopes towards you and you spin the ball like Phil Mickelson, you’ll suddenly be trapped in a bad Twilight Zone episode and may never get to the green. Buy now!
4. HammerX Driver – Where do I start with this piece of
worthless junk infomercial gold… BOOOM!! That’s not the sound of your tee shots, but of $150 disappearing from your bank account forever. Self proclaimed long drive champion of the universe Jack Hamm peddles his cheap Chinese made drivers to any sucker that is willing to buy them. Funny how we’ve never seen him compete in the ReMax World Long Drive Championships. Maybe he’s camera shy. I hit the original “Zolex Hammer” driver, and it was terrible. Zolex seems to be another way of saying aluminum, and the shaft was too whippy for even my grandfather to use. I’m sure it’ll work for you though. I think it helps if you yell “POOOOW!” at impact.
5. Uroclub – Next, we come to the Uroclub. This clever looking plastic tube disguised with an iron head at the end is actually a portable urinal. It even comes with a little towel to hide your man-parts while you pee in front of everyone. I suppose the Uroclub is a good idea if you play golf on a course with no trees, no bathrooms and no clubhouse. Do they really expect me to carry a tube full of urine around the golf course in my bag? Don’t answer that.
6. EZee Golf – I have an idea! Let’s take all the athletic talent, motor skills and hand-eye coordination out of a game. I bet that would be fun. I was going to start with “last but not least”, but this actually is the least. Introducing EZee Golf. We’ve all joked about this being the inevitable endgame for driver technology, but someone actually made it happen. It’s just you standing there looking dumb while a .22 blank shoots your golf ball towards the hole. However, golf (even fake golf) is all about distance, and this contraption only propels the ball about 225 yards. Can you see where I’m going with this? It’s only a matter of time before someone replaces the blanks they provide with something more powerful and blows up their foursome. Fore!